Dear friend: burnout provision, a YA read + potato salad
This spring, at the height of my burnout, a friend had space in her schedule and generously offered to watch my children one morning a week. What grace. It felt like water in my desert of burnout. Receiving the gift of alone time was part of the Lord’s provision for this very real need of mine. But as we neared summer days, her schedule was changing and she wouldn’t be able to give me this time away anymore.
Even as I was grateful for those spring mornings and for the safety in our relationship for her to tell me no, I was honest with the Lord about how scared I was. My burnout hadn’t gone away and even if I wasn’t quite at the same level of desperation, I was worried I would return to that low place.
Perhaps you’ve been in a similar place. You’re so grateful for the provision the Lord has given you. You’re soaking it up and see his care so clearly in your needs being met. But then, the provision ends.
This isn’t the first time this has happened to me. I wrote about one of those seasons a few years ago in this blog post, “When the manna stops,” sharing all the specifics of our provision ending and the fears that brought up, including the provision through the Lord prompted neighbors to gift us a car. (I’m still not over that one!) If you don’t have space to read the whole thing, I’ll highlight just this one section that was preaching to my heart all over again—
Fear felt loud and I believed that it was up to me and my husband to take care of these things.
And then I felt the Holy Spirit whisper to my heart.
You may not know what you will eat, but you will always have me.
You may not know where you will live, but I am your home.
You may not know where your clothes will come from, but I will take care of you.
I go with you. I am for you. You will always have me.
Recently, one of the lines from Joshua jumped out of the page to me.
“And the manna ceased the day after they ate the produce of the land. And there was no longer manna for the people of Israel, but they ate of the fruit of the land of Canaan that year.” Joshua 5:12
As I read these words, I was reminded of how often the Lord provided for us, for our family through the people and community he placed around us in our last season. I was so afraid to leave that place, feeling like we were done being provided for. But the truth is quite the opposite in fact. The Lord has never stopped providing for us. Our manna simply ceased as we entered a new place. The Lord is taking care of us here, just as he did there, it just looks different. The specifics may have changed, but the Lord is the same provider. He may give manna in one season and the fruit of the land in another.
I still don’t know the specifics for how the Lord is going to care for me in the days ahead. And that can scare me. I’m certainly not advocating for bootstrapping and platitudes. But I’m reminding my heart to look to the Lord instead of the manna, trusting the one who sees me and loves me. I’m reminding my heart to keep being honest with the Lord about my needs and my fears. There’s space enough for all that is hard for me with him.
A new book
It is no secret that I love to read, and I wanted to share about this YA book I really enjoyed this summer. If you have space for one more summery read, you might enjoy this one.
Sunkissed has some Dirty Dancing vibes, with the protagonist heading to summer camp with her family and connecting with one of the camp’s employees. While I’m a romantic at heart, the romance wasn’t my favorite part of this book. I loved the way that Avery wakes up to herself, realizing she’s been “sleepwalking” through her life. She shifts from using music to disengage from her life to becoming an active participant in making music. Her journey to become more engaged and awake is messy and real, and offers an encouragement to any of us who want to wake up to our own glorious life.
I also loved noticing how some of the themes of the book felt especially helpful for Enneagram Nines, and shared a favorite quote from the book with Nines here.
A favorite recipe-
Potato salad feels perfect for warm weather, but often, it feels too heavy for me. I want something that’s lighter and fresh, not weighed down with lots of mayonnaise. Thankfully, this recipe for potato salad that I’ve adapted from Shauna Niequist’s Bread and Wine, is perfect for these last days of summer.
PS. I love to boil my potatoes around lunchtime or in the afternoon, if I’m home. It makes the rest of the prep super easy.
2 pounds of red or gold potatoes (but honestly, whatever you have will work)
1 cup of olives (I like the jar of green pimento olives I can get from Aldi, but you do you.)
1 cup of grape tomatoes, halved
4 hard-boiled eggs (I usually throw in a few extra eggs, but my family really loves hard-boiled eggs)
2 T each fresh basil + fresh dill (this is really the secret for this potato salad being amazing)
1 T Dijon mustard
1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
3/4 cup olive oil + salt and pepper to taste
Cut the potatoes into bite-size chunks then boil them in salted water until tender. (Poke them with a fork and if they are soft/tender, they’re ready.)
While the potatoes are boiling put together the vinaigrette, setting aside a few tablespoons to put on right before serving.
Drain the potatoes and toss them with the dressing while they’re still hot for maximum soaking/flavor.
Add your olives, grape tomatoes and eggs and toss together. Add the fresh basil and dill and the reserved dressing right before serving.
Serve at room temperature, preferably with fresh mozzarella slices.
Some favorite moments I’ve shared this summer-
This quote that met me in the midst of my muggy park morning with an invitation.
A recent addition to our Little Free Library that I loved as a child.
Reflecting on how our my wedding day wasn’t the happiest day of my life.
A new favorite book that I’d press into your hands if I could.
Noticing how my fashion journey has progressed + sharing my thrifted jaguar shirt.
And is there anyway I can pray for you?
I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to just hit "reply" to this email, if you want to share a prayer request, no matter how "big" or "small." If you're feeling anxious or scared, you're not alone and I'd love to pray for you.
And before I close, a simple benediction for you today:
May you have eyes to see glimpses of the goodness of Jesus in your life.
May you have open hands to experience how personally and deeply you are loved.
May you take refuge in him today.