Dear friend: The gifts of perspective, gentleness & books.
Reflections on documenting a day in this season, 5 book recommendations for you & gentle Advent permission.
Dear Friend,
Earlier this month, I participated in Laura Tremaine’s social media invitation to document one day, hour by hour using the hashtag #onedayHH. I’ve loved joining in this yearly challenge before and connecting with others, as well as gaining a little perspective on my current season. But I hesitated this time. I almost didn't document this year because I thought, "I’m one month postpartum. It is pretty much going to be me feeding Clover over and over again. Does anyone really want to see that?"
But I'm so glad I did. It was a gift to myself to offer some perspective and gentleness for the hard work I'm doing around the clock in this season. It was a gift to be seen in this season of days at home, caring for a baby. And I'm so grateful for the connection from this day. A dear friend (who also happens to write the loveliest Substack) told me that this her favorite of all the years I've documented. She saw the beauty and the hard captured here.
If you missed it and are interested, here are the (many) snapshots of November 8:
And here are what I reflected on after this day of documenting:
Things cost most these days, including documenting. I'm not sorry I did it, but it is worth noticing that it cost more than other years. Everything costs more these days, and I'm grateful to be noticing how intentional I need to be with what I "spend" my limited energy on.
It's exhausting and hard because this season is exhausting and hard. Seeing the visuals of how much I'm holding and the realities of caring for a baby these days felt validating and helpful.
Two things can be true. I'm so grateful for this season and it is so very hard. I've had the experience of having a baby before and this season & this baby are brand new to me. I'm fragile and brave. I'm empty and full. I’m tired and grateful.
There is still so much you don't see. Hugs. Laughter. Kind words. More tears. Apologies. Prayers. Eating chocolate at several intervals. Another feeding at midnight with a crying baby before that, and not feeling sure what to do to help her. Even this kind of documenting can’t show all the fullness of what is true.
As a highly sensitive person, I feel especially aware of how everything feels heightened, the good and the hard, in this season. Both my emotional awareness and sensitivity to stimulus feel elevated currently. How Clover slept during the night, how that lined up with my own sleep, when I got breaks, how I spent my breaks, how much pushback and hard parenting moments there were with my big kids, my hormones, how clean our space is, how many ghoul sounds were made when I’m making dinner, how much my baby cries, how many fluids are currently on my clothing: these are all just some of the things that impact me, now probably more than other seasons. It is good to remember what being highly sensitive means for me, and be especially gentle when I'm overwhelmed.
I noticed that I didn't read (other than my kids reading to me) on this day, and that made me a little sad. I tried to read a book on my phone at one point and just didn't have mental space for it. But I'm reminding myself that Clover is quite literally a dream come true. I've wondered and prayed and hoped for the possibility of her for years, and to hold her in my arms is a gift like no other. If it means less books in this season, so be it. I know that this season is temporary and there will be space for more reading again soon.
But speaking of reading, I’ve still managed to read a few books on my phone while holding a baby in my arms, or in those last weeks of pregnancy that I want to share with you.
How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis
If care tasks feel hard for you in general or in the hard season you’re in, this short book is a gift. It offers gentleness and kindness, along with practical help.
Begin to notice how you speak to yourself on days when you feel you have fallen behind. You can set up the best systems in the world and they won’t change your life if you still hate yourself on days when you can’t keep up. So much of our distress comes not from the unfolded laundry but from the messages we give ourselves. Lazy. Predictable. Unlovable. You do not need to be good at care tasks to learn how to develop a compassionate inner dialogue. You deserve kindness and love regardless of how good you are at care tasks.
Faye, Faraway by Helen Fisher
I love time travel as part of a story when it is done well, and I really enjoyed this one. The time travel element felt interesting and messy and dare I say, realistic, as it served as the backdrop for this story about loss, motherhood, and engaging with our parents as adults. I’m still thinking about how this one ended.
Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson
If you’d like a magical, whimsical, delightful story, you’ll want to pick this one up. My book club, The Paper Ladies, read this one for our November book and we ALL loved it (which is saying quite a bit, for our different backgrounds and tastes.) In the author’s notes at the end, Brandon Sanderson shares that this story is a nod to The Princess Bride and what might have happened if Buttercup had gone looking for Westley when he didn’t come back. Plus, as a fun side note, this book broke the record for Kickstarter campaigns on the first day it was launched.
Shipwreck at the Bottom of the World by Jennifer Armstrong
This short, nonfiction read absolutely fascinated me. It’s the true survival story of the team that attempted to be the first explorers to cross Antarctica over 100 years ago. I loved seeing all the photos that went along with this incredible story, and I read this compelling adventure in one sitting.
Front Desk by Kelly Yang
This middle grade reader is based on the author’s own immigrant experience to Southern California in the 90’s, and I loved learning from her. This one didn’t shy away from some of the hard realities, while keeping it age-appropriate for the audience. This one was endearing and hopeful, while also sharing the challenges of being an immigrant through this fictional character and her family.
And I also realize that whether my sleep-deprived brain wants to believe it or not, the Christmas season is near. Here are the questions & 10 gentle recommendations* I shared last year for what might be a gift to your heart this Advent season, if you’d like to revisit it or just need the reminder that this season is for those of us who are weary and limping. I love this permission from Bette Dickinson that I’ve shared before, and my heart needs yet again.
“Attentive Presence is more important than completing the content. Allow the Holy Spirt to bring you to a place of rest, refreshment and transformation, in his way and at his pace.”
For myself, I plan on spending time with Making Room in Advent again, as well as this free email series by Hannah Brencher & weekly Advent poetry (this one has historically been especially lovely) by Sara Kay Mooney. I’m also hoping to read A Radiant Birth for the first time, but am holding all these loosely.
Dear friend, I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to just hit "reply" to this email. I read and savor every email that comes my way, even if I don’t always have the space to respond. Whether you want to share a bit of what you’re noticing about the season you’re in, a favorite book you’ve been reading, what Advent invitation you’re hearing, or if my words brought up anything for your heart, I’d be so glad to know.
Warmly,
Alison
*I don’t believe Rev. Summer Gross is offering the same “Behold Your God” series that I share on this list, but is working on a different Advent offering for this year of a secret Advent podcast & journal. To my knowledge, all the other resources are still current.
PS. Thanks to Intervarsity Press for review copies of both Making Room in Advent & A Radiant Birth. I’m so grateful for the chance to read these and share my honest thoughts.